three weeks . . .

The past three weeks have been one giant, emotional rollercoaster in casa de Fisher . . .

Just one day after our last post, we got news that knocked us off our feet

To say we were shocked would be a HUGE understatement.

Given our history of infertility, and being told we couldn't conceive on our own, we never dreamed this was possible.  I had been feeling lousy for two months and we took a test simply to verify what we already knew (i.e. we were not pregnant).  We sat there shell-shocked that Wednesday evening.  I called my friend Sarah, who had always said she thought this would happen to tell her she was right ;-)  The next day was spent calling my doctor, getting a blood test and trying to set up an ultrasound as we had no clue how far along we were. 

Friday morning, G and I went for the ultrasound and saw a beautiful, wiggling 9 week baby with a heart just flickering away. 

We instantly fell in love!

Logistically, we had no clue how to make it work with three kids but we knew God would show us the way.

Saturday, we decided to share the news of our blessing with friends and family.

I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong but figured it was just be doing my normal worrying.

Our first OB appointment was on Wednesday, three weeks from the day we took the pregnancy test.

Once again, we got news that shocked us and left us numb.

Our once wiggly baby was still and no longer had a heartbeat.

G is in MN for work (returns this afternoon) so I was on my own.

Let me assure you, I was on my own by choice. 

Both of our families would have been there in an instant had I let them.  I am not one who likes to show emotion and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it together if the family was there.

Thankfully, two women helped me stay sane that afternoon through their emails and offers to let others know the news.  I doubt either will ever understand how much their emails meant to me that day and that I could not have handled things as I did without them.

The kids were with Barbie Gramma.

I called G to give him the news and he called his mom so I knew the kids were fine.

My OB (who I love ~ her entire office is amazing!) recommended a D&C given how far along we were in the pregnancy (11 weeks 5 days - although it appears the baby passed away within days of our first ultrasound).

She wanted to do it Friday but I asked if we could do it that day.

Although she thought I should take time to process, she rearranged her schedule and made it happen.

I had surgery that afternoon.

Apparently I lost a lot of blood and I woke up in quite a bit of pain but they were more than willing to give me as much pain medication as I wanted so I took all they were giving. 

The emotional pain is enough, I wanted the physical pain gone.

We are coping as best we can.

I am still in pain and taking the pain meds so I am fairly numb.

G gets home this afternoon and I have a feeling that once we are together, we will begin to process the loss.

Thank you all for your prayers, support, emails, calls, flowers, food, and friendship. 

It helps to have the love and support.

We trust that God will continue to help us through this loss.