It's been more than N I N E years since I've posted to our blog. Life got busy and with texting and FaceTime, we are able to keep our families involved without the updates. So why write now? 2025 has been life changing in ways we never expected, nor wanted. I cannot believe I am writing this, but both of my parents died in 2025. I thought about saying "I lost both of my parents this year" but I need to speak the truth to myself, I didn't lose them, they died. A concept I still struggle with daily. Neither death was expected but thankfully, I was able to be with both of them and hold their hands as they took their final breaths. Dad died June 25th and Mom died October 6th. I am an orphan, and it hurts more than I ever thought possible. I cry almost daily but I also laugh and experience joy. Grief is strange, there truly is room for both sorrow and joy to exist in the same space. God has blessed me greatly throughout these losses. To truly explain how great He is, I need to go back a couple of years. On Easter in 2023, Dad had a stroke, which as strange as it sounds, was an incredible blessing for our family. Thankfully, his mind was not affected and he was determined to regain physical strength, which he did! The blessing was that we realized how precious our time as a family was and I began calling and traveling to WA more. Dad and I talked nearly daily on the phone for 6 minutes (that seemed to be his limit for a phone conversations!). I even managed to surprise Mom and Dad with one of my visits, which was so special. Without Dad's stroke, I think I would have had many regrets. Instead, my last couple of years were filled with many joyful conversations and memories with my parents.
2025 started out with many happy moments and was shaping up to be a fantastic year . . .
All three kiddos were doing great in school and sports. We finally took our family vacation to Hawaii. Alli tried out for and made the K-State Cheerleading team and graduated from high school. The boys were having a blast on their summer baseball teams. Life was going great!
Everything changed June 9th. My brother called to tell me Dad was in the hospital and not well at all. I could hear the tears in his voice as he told me I needed to come because something was very wrong. I flew to WA the next day. Despite getting a call that doctors had "ruled out all of the scary stuff" I was there and praise God for that. Dad looked awful and was so confused. By June 11th, the hospital said Dad needed to go to a nursing facility because he was no longer capable of making his own decisions, then they did a 180 and said he could go home the next day with home health checking on him. It was a roller coaster. While in the hospital, they drained two liters of fluid from his lungs. He was discharged from the hospital on June 12th. The next day, the hospital called and nonchalantly told him he has stage 4 lung cancer and would need to follow up with oncology. Both my folks were in shock. Dad's primary doctor's office called shortly after and I spoke with them. They were unaware of the diagnosis but agreed to see Dad on Monday. Both Tony and I went to that appointment and were thoroughly unimpressed. Tony called one of his friends, a pulmonary specialist who was able to get tests quickly. While this was going on, we got to celebrate Father's Day together, it had been at least 9 or 10 years since we had all been together on Father's Day. I will forever treasure that day and our picture.
Mom and Dad insisted I needed to get home for a bit to see my kids and G, so on June 19th, Dad's birthday, I flew back to Kansas with Zach who was headed out for a weekend of watching baseball. I had planned to fly back to WA sometime the next week. Later that afternoon, while watching Eli's baseball game, I logged in and read the PET scan results. A friend, who is a doctor, looked at them for me and suggested I may want to fly back to WA sooner. I thought it would be okay but by Sunday evening, I knew I needed to get back there. I was torn because Alli had freshman orientation the next day and I was supposed to take her but G stepped in and I flew back to WA that Monday. I took the night shift with Dad who looked so much worse. It was a very difficult evening with no sleep. He would doze and at one point he looked over to where he saw someone and in a very annoyed tone, said, "I'm not ready to go fishing yet." He wouldn't tell me who he was talking to but I wonder if it was his Uncle Forrie. Tony and Jenee came over around 6am and I went to get a bit of sleep. When I woke up, we had a brief meeting and Dad agreed to go to Hospice House where he could receive IV pain medication. Seeing the ambulance take him from the house was horrible, realizing he would never be coming back. Mom rode with him in the ambulance and we all met them at Hospice House. That was Tuesday afternoon, the staff there said it would probably be about a week but they would keep him comfortable. Mom and Jenee stayed the night with him and the rest of us left about 9pm, all back the next morning. Dad was there less than 24 hours. Right after a staff member came by to say it would still be about another week, Dad's breathing slowed and we knew it was the end. Mom, Danny, Tony, Jenee and I surrounded him, told him how much we loved him and that it was okay to go. He opened his eyes, a tear rolled down his cheek and then he was gone. It was surreal. Awful and beautiful at the same time.
I drove Mom home and the work began. Mom was officially the executor, but not in a position to do anything so I began making the phone calls and handling all of the paperwork. Having to say I was calling to report that my Dad had died was like a knife stabbing my heart. Most people were wonderful. Writing the obituary and planning the funeral were hard. Garrett officiated the service and I gave the eulogy. It was hard but our family came out of it stronger and closer than ever. My brother Tony and I were never what I would call super close, but after going through what we did, I now consider him and Jenee to be two of my closest friends. I have so much respect for my brothers and sister-in-law. God is so gracious to have provided us this love and friendship among so much grief.
Dad's service was in the middle of July. Once we returned home, it was time to focus on getting ready to send Alli off to college for her freshman year and preparing to go back to school for me and the boys. I still talked to Mom and my brothers almost daily and knew I needed to make another trip back to WA to visit. My work was wonderful about letting me take some time off in September to visit my Mom since I had to work around the kids' football schedules. Everyone in WA was sick so it was a pretty lowkey visit but Mom and I spent 4 amazing days together chatting and just hanging out. We even got some errands done and picked up her favorite candy. When I left on September 17th, we were already planning another fun visit. Just over a week later, on September 25th, both of my brothers were calling me. Mom had fallen and broken her hip. I knew instantly, it was over. Mom couldn't get around well as it was so I knew there was no way she would be able to rehab from this. She had surgery two days later while I was watching Alli cheer at a K-State game. She made it through surgery and sounded good. In fact, the next couple of days, she sounded great and I had hopes that just maybe, everything would turn out okay. Sadly, that was not the case. She moved to the rehab center on October 1st despite increased pain and feeling unwell. October 2nd, both brothers were calling again. She was at the rehab center less than 12 hours when her fever spiked and she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I flew to WA on October 3rd. She had a severe infection and they believed she was septic. She was in so much pain and discomfort. The doctors initially believed she had diverticulitis that they could treat but as the day went on, her pain was worsening and more tests were ordered. She was talking and we tried to encourage her. By Saturday afternoon, her pain was unbearable and the tests confirmed c-diff colitis. So much damage had been done the only treatment was to remove her intestines and colon, which she opted against and requested comfort care. We all knew what that meant and she requested that we move her to Hospice House where Dad died. The hospital staff made her comfortable and we made arrangements to have her transferred on Monday around 7pm (they don't do it over the weekend). We never dreamed she wouldn't make it. Due to the anti-anxiety meds, she was no longer conscious and her breathing was loud and rattling. Monday evening, October 6th, I was talking to a nurse about having the doctors sign off on her durable power of attorney when I realized I didn't hear her breathing. We rushed to her side as she was taking her final breaths. Like with Dad, we held her hands and assured her that it was okay for her to go, that we would be okay. When I told her we would be okay, I really believed it. Now, I know I had no idea the depth of pain we would experience having lost both parents.
The amount of pain I still feel is unlike anything I ever imagined. Many days, I don't even recognize the person I am anymore. I know I am not alone but I am forever changed. I praise God that I still have my brothers and that these losses have strengthened our bond. We even went to Hawaii in March together, we haven't all been there together since we lived there back in the 1970s.
This summer, we finally spread their ashes in Danny's backyard. It was a beautiful day and I am so grateful our family is still honoring our parents' legacy.
