Two years ago . . .

We learned that our surprise baby Wrinkle no longer had a heartbeat. 

G was in Minnesota for work so I was on my own.

The pain was something I thought would never go away.

I still often think about Wrinkle and wonder what life would be like if we had met him/her.

But I truly believe Wrinkle is the reason we have Lukey.

I believe God was preparing our hearts to welcome Luke into our family.

Neither G or I thought we wanted three children and were in shock two years ago.

We came around and fell in love after seeing Wrinkle on ultrasound,

But the fear was there and we cannot erase what was said or felt that first night. 

I would give nearly anything to go back and change my initial reaction to Wrinkle,

but I cannot.

  I can only be grateful for God's forgiveness and pray someday I forgive myself.

The instant I saw Luke, I knew everything happened the way as it should.

Luke completes our family in a way we cannot explain - and we all feel that way.

He is so loved and wanted.  I am so grateful for the gift of Luke.

And I am grateful that God sent us Wrinkle.

On Luke's first birthday, I once again saw the most beautiful rainbow

 and felt completely at peace, knowing our family is complete.

Today is still hard but also a day when I can reflect on love and forgiveness.

I am also looking forward to the day when I will meet Wrinkle.